I have been under the weather, and that explains my fatigue I have been feeling. I had a sinus issue and it took its toll on my body, but now I am on the up, and up. My parents are back from Florida, and I am glad to have them home, safe and refreshed.
Its so exciting waiting to see the list of finalist for "spread the love" I think the anticipation is going to be the death of me LOL. I am feeling hopeful, and optimistic. My video's I sent in I kinda wish I showed my excitement but I wanted to get everything out in under two minutes. I hope they can tell I am enthusiastic and thrilled. Okay.. I guess I am just going on and on about this because I am positive but also nervous! I can't deny it.
When I was in my marriage I always felt this feeling of there is so much more out there for me, so much more for me to do and see. I sometimes wonder if this is my opportunity to do that "something" that my instincts were telling me. I mean obviously I didn't leave my marriage for one reason as I have mentioned in prior posts. But I always felt like I needed to take chances in life to get anywhere, and I took a chance by entering this contest and alls I can do it sit tight, be positive, and know that my chances are as good as anyone else's. Alls I have control of is my attitude and staying optimistic.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Exhausted!
Being productive all day comes with a price that is for sure, I can't deny I am tired. I also have been sick with a bad cold, so that does not make sleeping easy one bit.
I had a physical first thing this morning, the doctor was interesting to say the least. She is a young women, who is quite sarcastic, which I am a fan of. I love her sense of humor, she made it as enjoyable as a physical can get.
I had an interview and got the job on the spot, so that was a good feeling. I am debating if its going to be a good location for me to start my career, not to sure yet.
I did a whole head of foils to my cousins long hair. She wanted to be blonde again, so that is what I did. She now has a lot of dimension and it looks beautiful with her skin tone as well.
I have been here there and every where as well today, which is how I like it. I love the feeling after a long productive day, when you can enjoy the feeling of calm. It's nice to know you didn't waste a day, you applied yourself and utilized your time well.
I had a physical first thing this morning, the doctor was interesting to say the least. She is a young women, who is quite sarcastic, which I am a fan of. I love her sense of humor, she made it as enjoyable as a physical can get.
I had an interview and got the job on the spot, so that was a good feeling. I am debating if its going to be a good location for me to start my career, not to sure yet.
I did a whole head of foils to my cousins long hair. She wanted to be blonde again, so that is what I did. She now has a lot of dimension and it looks beautiful with her skin tone as well.
I have been here there and every where as well today, which is how I like it. I love the feeling after a long productive day, when you can enjoy the feeling of calm. It's nice to know you didn't waste a day, you applied yourself and utilized your time well.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Pick yourself up, and brush yourself off.
I have to be upfront about something that I think is effecting my desire for a relationship, I have been single for over two years now. I have done a lot of soul searching, and come to realize that when you are in a relationship, you invest yourself 100 percent, well "most" of us do. I for one am one of those people that don't do things half the way, I give my all.
When you are in a very long term relationship, usually you will nurture it, and keep it healthy. If the other person in the relationship is giving his/her all, things are balanced, and there won't be a strain. I held up the fort in the marriage, If I pulled away, there was very minimal interaction, socially, and physically. That was the point to where I said, this is over, and has been. I reflect on it now, and say I was the "relationship", I had a relationship with myself in a way. Sad I know, but I would rather be alone then with a man, who I am carrying on my back every step of the way. When I did take this step back, he did freak out for a minute, he was confused and didn't know what to do. Alls he had to do was fight for "us"but obviously that never did happen. I must say, I have had numerous people ask me what happened to my marriage. It wasn't that my ex was a bad man, or cheated on me, or was cruel to me. My ex just wasn't in it, he was there for the ride, he just didn't love me enough to ever fight for me. I know that I am NOT perfect! I definitely did things that I would take back in a heart beat. But I can't, and I can only learn from them as I hope he has learned from his.
Now to the point, I was quickly replaced, and forgotten. I know, I know.. but we were separated and getting a divorce, but to me, I felt as if I never mattered, he moved in with this girl and got her pregnant shortly after. Now they are planning on getting married. I think my biggest issue with getting involved with someone again, is the pain of knowing how fast I can be replaced and left behind.
I think I need to just trust that when someone really loves you, and will always fight for you, they won't leave you behind and replace you right away, I need to have faith in that. I wanted to give you background to why I feel the way I do, and what makes me have this bad taste in my mouth about engaging into another relationship. I am glad the relationship is over, and I can't be happier about that! I am happy for my ex husband, he has a new baby girl so I have heard through the grape vine. :)
I am only human, I feel, I hurt, I learn, I grow and become stronger. I just want to have that desire to be with someone again. I think in time when I am ready it will eventually happen. For now, I am happy with focusing on my short, and long term goals. I am fulfilled with working on myself, and bettering me. I am confident, and strong which with out that experience and this time of being single I would not be where I am today. So there for I am very grateful, and would not take it back. The times when you pick yourself up, and you don't let anyone interfere with your personal growth is when you build character. I am pretty excited about that person I am becoming.
“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.”
When you are in a very long term relationship, usually you will nurture it, and keep it healthy. If the other person in the relationship is giving his/her all, things are balanced, and there won't be a strain. I held up the fort in the marriage, If I pulled away, there was very minimal interaction, socially, and physically. That was the point to where I said, this is over, and has been. I reflect on it now, and say I was the "relationship", I had a relationship with myself in a way. Sad I know, but I would rather be alone then with a man, who I am carrying on my back every step of the way. When I did take this step back, he did freak out for a minute, he was confused and didn't know what to do. Alls he had to do was fight for "us"but obviously that never did happen. I must say, I have had numerous people ask me what happened to my marriage. It wasn't that my ex was a bad man, or cheated on me, or was cruel to me. My ex just wasn't in it, he was there for the ride, he just didn't love me enough to ever fight for me. I know that I am NOT perfect! I definitely did things that I would take back in a heart beat. But I can't, and I can only learn from them as I hope he has learned from his.
Now to the point, I was quickly replaced, and forgotten. I know, I know.. but we were separated and getting a divorce, but to me, I felt as if I never mattered, he moved in with this girl and got her pregnant shortly after. Now they are planning on getting married. I think my biggest issue with getting involved with someone again, is the pain of knowing how fast I can be replaced and left behind.
I think I need to just trust that when someone really loves you, and will always fight for you, they won't leave you behind and replace you right away, I need to have faith in that. I wanted to give you background to why I feel the way I do, and what makes me have this bad taste in my mouth about engaging into another relationship. I am glad the relationship is over, and I can't be happier about that! I am happy for my ex husband, he has a new baby girl so I have heard through the grape vine. :)
I am only human, I feel, I hurt, I learn, I grow and become stronger. I just want to have that desire to be with someone again. I think in time when I am ready it will eventually happen. For now, I am happy with focusing on my short, and long term goals. I am fulfilled with working on myself, and bettering me. I am confident, and strong which with out that experience and this time of being single I would not be where I am today. So there for I am very grateful, and would not take it back. The times when you pick yourself up, and you don't let anyone interfere with your personal growth is when you build character. I am pretty excited about that person I am becoming.
“Self-acceptance comes from meeting life's challenges vigorously. Don't numb yourself to your trials and difficulties, nor build mental walls to exclude pain from your life. You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously. You will find peace not in denial, but in victory.”
Monday, November 15, 2010
Musicals :)
I enjoy watching all sorts of movies, but since I was young I've always loved to watch musicals. I grew up watching "The Sound of Music," "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," and of course good ole "Mary Poppins." It would just entertain me to know end! As I grew older I still enjoyed musicals, my Nana would have her granddaughters over for a sleep over in the fall, we would paint, or sew, make dinner together, and then watch a musical. This is when I was introduced to "Meet me in St. Louis" I can watch it over and over. The music, the story line, and how it goes through all the holidays, I just love it! I love Christmas, family, and music, so this was right up my ally.
When I was about seven or so, I just had finished watching "Grease" and my parents and I were across the street visiting a neighbor. I noticed our neighbor was smoking a cigarette and alls I could think was that move with Sandy in the black tight outfit, tossing the bud on the ground and putting it out with the ball of her heels, she started singing "I've got chills they're multiplying" well.. I did just that minus the outfit and heels. I took the cigarette out of her hand and tossed down just like Sandy and sang my little heart out LOL!! Well my parents didn't think that was oh so funny.. I got in trouble as soon as we walked in the front door of our house. I didn't realize as a seven year old, that was wrong. All I knew was I wanted to do just what Sandy did. But I think that goes to show how much I loved movies with singing and dancing!
A more recent musical that came out which I love is "Mama Mia" I really enjoyed it! I saw it shortly after my ex husband and I split. My mom and her best friend asked me to join. It took me away from my feelings of confusion and hurt, I lived in the moment and loved watching it, and laughing with my mom. We had a so much fun. I think that is what its all about, living in the moment and allowing yourself to use your imagination and doing things that make you happy. I do live in the moment, and anytime I can watch a good musical, and sing along I will!
When I was about seven or so, I just had finished watching "Grease" and my parents and I were across the street visiting a neighbor. I noticed our neighbor was smoking a cigarette and alls I could think was that move with Sandy in the black tight outfit, tossing the bud on the ground and putting it out with the ball of her heels, she started singing "I've got chills they're multiplying" well.. I did just that minus the outfit and heels. I took the cigarette out of her hand and tossed down just like Sandy and sang my little heart out LOL!! Well my parents didn't think that was oh so funny.. I got in trouble as soon as we walked in the front door of our house. I didn't realize as a seven year old, that was wrong. All I knew was I wanted to do just what Sandy did. But I think that goes to show how much I loved movies with singing and dancing!
A more recent musical that came out which I love is "Mama Mia" I really enjoyed it! I saw it shortly after my ex husband and I split. My mom and her best friend asked me to join. It took me away from my feelings of confusion and hurt, I lived in the moment and loved watching it, and laughing with my mom. We had a so much fun. I think that is what its all about, living in the moment and allowing yourself to use your imagination and doing things that make you happy. I do live in the moment, and anytime I can watch a good musical, and sing along I will!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Spread the Love
Dear Matrix,
I hope I am giving you somewhat of an idea of who I am. I wish you could see my animated, and fun personality first hand. You can only get so much from everything I sent you. I understand that is all we can do and its our (the contestants) duty to tell you all about us via, video's, blogs etc the best we can.
I honestly am quite the character to say the least, I do know when and how to be serious, and professional as well, but I am naturally the life of the party, the one that keeps conversation going, and not afraid to talk to anyone no matter what. I hope you don't take this as if I am self absorbed or anything.. I know who I am and I want to share these things with you, to give you a better idea of who Katie is. I have heard many people say to me after knowing me for a while "you made me feel so comfortable when you first came up to me." I really like hearing that, because I know one of the worst feelings in social situations is being uncomfortable, and feeling not welcome. I never want anyone that comes into contact with me to feel that way. If I'm at a social gathering I make it a point to make everyone feel like they have one person there to laugh with or feel comfortable around. I like having that role, and I would never change that about me. Especially being in the beauty industry, having the ability to make people feel at ease, and to trust you is so valuable.
I love doing hair, and make up and I want to be the absolute best at it. I feel like there is so much room to grow and improve! I think with my personality, passion and talent, I have so much to offer. I just want that chance, and I can't express what that opportunity would do for my life, and me personally. BUT... I mostly want to make a positive impact in this industry, and meet so many people! I also want to spread my passion and experiences with everyone along the way. I hope you give me this amazing opportunity, I won't be a disappointment and I will give 110 percent.
Thank you Matrix,
Katie O'Connell
I hope I am giving you somewhat of an idea of who I am. I wish you could see my animated, and fun personality first hand. You can only get so much from everything I sent you. I understand that is all we can do and its our (the contestants) duty to tell you all about us via, video's, blogs etc the best we can.
I honestly am quite the character to say the least, I do know when and how to be serious, and professional as well, but I am naturally the life of the party, the one that keeps conversation going, and not afraid to talk to anyone no matter what. I hope you don't take this as if I am self absorbed or anything.. I know who I am and I want to share these things with you, to give you a better idea of who Katie is. I have heard many people say to me after knowing me for a while "you made me feel so comfortable when you first came up to me." I really like hearing that, because I know one of the worst feelings in social situations is being uncomfortable, and feeling not welcome. I never want anyone that comes into contact with me to feel that way. If I'm at a social gathering I make it a point to make everyone feel like they have one person there to laugh with or feel comfortable around. I like having that role, and I would never change that about me. Especially being in the beauty industry, having the ability to make people feel at ease, and to trust you is so valuable.
I love doing hair, and make up and I want to be the absolute best at it. I feel like there is so much room to grow and improve! I think with my personality, passion and talent, I have so much to offer. I just want that chance, and I can't express what that opportunity would do for my life, and me personally. BUT... I mostly want to make a positive impact in this industry, and meet so many people! I also want to spread my passion and experiences with everyone along the way. I hope you give me this amazing opportunity, I won't be a disappointment and I will give 110 percent.
Thank you Matrix,
Katie O'Connell
Saturday, November 13, 2010
~Today~
*The thing about "dieting" that makes it difficult, would be the inconvenience. Here I am trying to plan out my dinner, and I have the slightest idea what I want that is with in my calories for the day. I am determined to conquer my weight issue, so I am just going to do it and not complain about it... like I just did! lol I'm done.
So today has to be one of the nicest days we have had yet this fall. The colors of the leaves are so gorgeous and the sky is a baby blue, its so nice! I just got out of the hot tub, and while I was in there brainstorming about dinner, and my workout..I took a look around, and was impressed by the leaves and the warmth still lingering in the air... I actually thought to myself, how beautiful it is here in upstate NY. I hear a lot of negatives about the winter, and I do agree, snow is a bit of a hassle, and I dislike driving in it.. but its very pretty, and the season changes are truly nice.
Last summer I went golfing with a friend, we ended up golfing with this older couple who were the nicest people. The gentlemen was informing us on how he has traveled and seen so many places, he said that upstate NY is one of the most beautiful places! I was shocked, he then said how the trees get so full and green, its just a pretty place. I was taken back because everyone I talk to that lives here, says there is nothing here.. I disagree, I think its what you make it! And I think that nice gentlemen made some good points, it is very pretty here!
Here is two pictures I found on the Internet, the fall one is from Thatcher Park (Albany, NY) and the other is of the Catskills which is 45 minutes away or so.
So today has to be one of the nicest days we have had yet this fall. The colors of the leaves are so gorgeous and the sky is a baby blue, its so nice! I just got out of the hot tub, and while I was in there brainstorming about dinner, and my workout..I took a look around, and was impressed by the leaves and the warmth still lingering in the air... I actually thought to myself, how beautiful it is here in upstate NY. I hear a lot of negatives about the winter, and I do agree, snow is a bit of a hassle, and I dislike driving in it.. but its very pretty, and the season changes are truly nice.
Last summer I went golfing with a friend, we ended up golfing with this older couple who were the nicest people. The gentlemen was informing us on how he has traveled and seen so many places, he said that upstate NY is one of the most beautiful places! I was shocked, he then said how the trees get so full and green, its just a pretty place. I was taken back because everyone I talk to that lives here, says there is nothing here.. I disagree, I think its what you make it! And I think that nice gentlemen made some good points, it is very pretty here!
Here is two pictures I found on the Internet, the fall one is from Thatcher Park (Albany, NY) and the other is of the Catskills which is 45 minutes away or so.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Demonstrate through our actions
I wrote this post on my myspace blog in 2008, I think its pretty good and an idea how I believe people should be treated. When I wrote this it was the start to my path to get where I am today. I think its a good post, so I hope you think so too.
Kindness Matters
I really must be confused....I am not sure, if I am the only one that wonders about this, or maybe I am the only who cares enough about it. Has anyone noticed what people don't seem to emphasize enough about? Well there are a few things that come to mind that I believe are very important, which I try to live by, and people know about but don't apply it to how they act or how they live their lives.
1) Being held accountable for when you are wrong, owning up to your wrong doings.
-This goes with maturity, taking responsibility for your actions, and being a good person. I get so frustrated with people when they can never just say"I was wrong, I should not have done/said that....I'm sorry" What is so hard about that!! I will admit right now I have made mistakes, I own up to each one, I know when I am wrong as we all do! We are all human we do things that are wrong, we hurt others, even if its by mistake, you still effected someone in a hurtful or offensive way, so the most admirable thing to do is own it, and make it right! No one is perfect, we as humans all have faults. I know I will say and do the wrong things, I can promise that, but I will own them. I just think things would get resolved quicker and more effectively if we just take full responsibility and be honest with ourselves, we all know what is right inside, show that you know! Its a good, respectable quality to have!!
2) Being kind and REAL about it.
-Honestly, this task is natural for me, but others.... not so much. They can just treat you badly for no reason, why? Because maybe they are miserable, or just having an off day perhaps.... well the saying is misery likes company, right? Why is it, if we are not feeling so great one day, why not instead keeping it to themselves, and not spread this unpleasant demeanor. I'd rather wear a smile and make the best of each day, and treat people the way I want to be treated, with kindness and respect. Is that so much to ask?? If we all could do this, there would be less stress, tension and hostility everywhere from home to the workplace!
3) Acting as if you are above others, and you treat them as if they are below you.
-People who treat others as if they are not as important as them, or those who abuse their position in authority, such as police officers, bosses, etc. Here is an example of two men, one who did not go to college, has 5 kids, living in a trailer, busting his ass to provide for his family, barely making ends meat, and taking good care of his kids and wife etc. And the other man who has his doctorate in psychology, is making six figures, has a huge house, 7 cars and does everything for his family as well, I would respect them equally! Treat them both with the same respect and kindness. I see those that are poor, those who didn't attend college, people that are not "attractive," obese, mentally/physically disabled, there are to many to name you get the picture, they are looked down upon and disrespected by some people who think so highly of themselves, and are brutally judgmental. What drives these people to mistreat any one that may be "different" or just not up to their standards of what is considered good enough in their eyes. If these people are not effecting you in a negative way, then put a stop to your disrespectful words, judgmental thoughts, and actions! Is it worth it? I think not!! We are all human beings, we all have feelings, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Were not here for others approval, were here to live a good honest life, and be the best we can be, we all go in different directions, make are own paths of what our lives will consist of. Its not how much we make, or who we know, or how many years of schooling that makes us "someone", its our character, it how we live our lives, how we treat others, appreciating all you have and not taking anything for granted. People when they pass away are not remembered for their college degree, how big their houses were, or how beautiful their face and/or body was, what we remember is who the person was, how they effected our lives, and what fond memories they left behind.
Taking responsibility for your actions, kindness, respect and compassion goes along way!! I wanted to express my thoughts on these topics. Because maybe people just are to busy getting caught up in their fast paced lives, and not taking these things into consideration! Its important to live your life in a way that makes you proud and to know you are a genuinely good, kindhearted person!
1) Being held accountable for when you are wrong, owning up to your wrong doings.
-This goes with maturity, taking responsibility for your actions, and being a good person. I get so frustrated with people when they can never just say"I was wrong, I should not have done/said that....I'm sorry" What is so hard about that!! I will admit right now I have made mistakes, I own up to each one, I know when I am wrong as we all do! We are all human we do things that are wrong, we hurt others, even if its by mistake, you still effected someone in a hurtful or offensive way, so the most admirable thing to do is own it, and make it right! No one is perfect, we as humans all have faults. I know I will say and do the wrong things, I can promise that, but I will own them. I just think things would get resolved quicker and more effectively if we just take full responsibility and be honest with ourselves, we all know what is right inside, show that you know! Its a good, respectable quality to have!!
2) Being kind and REAL about it.
-Honestly, this task is natural for me, but others.... not so much. They can just treat you badly for no reason, why? Because maybe they are miserable, or just having an off day perhaps.... well the saying is misery likes company, right? Why is it, if we are not feeling so great one day, why not instead keeping it to themselves, and not spread this unpleasant demeanor. I'd rather wear a smile and make the best of each day, and treat people the way I want to be treated, with kindness and respect. Is that so much to ask?? If we all could do this, there would be less stress, tension and hostility everywhere from home to the workplace!
3) Acting as if you are above others, and you treat them as if they are below you.
-People who treat others as if they are not as important as them, or those who abuse their position in authority, such as police officers, bosses, etc. Here is an example of two men, one who did not go to college, has 5 kids, living in a trailer, busting his ass to provide for his family, barely making ends meat, and taking good care of his kids and wife etc. And the other man who has his doctorate in psychology, is making six figures, has a huge house, 7 cars and does everything for his family as well, I would respect them equally! Treat them both with the same respect and kindness. I see those that are poor, those who didn't attend college, people that are not "attractive," obese, mentally/physically disabled, there are to many to name you get the picture, they are looked down upon and disrespected by some people who think so highly of themselves, and are brutally judgmental. What drives these people to mistreat any one that may be "different" or just not up to their standards of what is considered good enough in their eyes. If these people are not effecting you in a negative way, then put a stop to your disrespectful words, judgmental thoughts, and actions! Is it worth it? I think not!! We are all human beings, we all have feelings, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. Were not here for others approval, were here to live a good honest life, and be the best we can be, we all go in different directions, make are own paths of what our lives will consist of. Its not how much we make, or who we know, or how many years of schooling that makes us "someone", its our character, it how we live our lives, how we treat others, appreciating all you have and not taking anything for granted. People when they pass away are not remembered for their college degree, how big their houses were, or how beautiful their face and/or body was, what we remember is who the person was, how they effected our lives, and what fond memories they left behind.
Taking responsibility for your actions, kindness, respect and compassion goes along way!! I wanted to express my thoughts on these topics. Because maybe people just are to busy getting caught up in their fast paced lives, and not taking these things into consideration! Its important to live your life in a way that makes you proud and to know you are a genuinely good, kindhearted person!
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